The Prophets of Hate - TetleysTLDR

10 Aug

Authorised version for the righteous and the damned

Professor James Orr struts around the ivory towers of theology like some self-anointed prophet, but scratch the pious varnish and what you find is a bog-standard right-wing culture warrior in academic robes. His 'Christianity' seems less about the Sermon on the Mount and more about baptising the ugliest bits of the Tory press, sneering at compassion, railing against equality, and selling authoritarianism as moral order. For all his talk of faith, you’d struggle to spot Christ in his politics; the James Orr gospel reads like a libertarian think-tank manifesto with a few Bible verses stapled on for credibility. If there’s a camel and a needle’s eye anywhere in his sermons, you can bet he’s standing there cheering on the camel crusher.

About James Orr

Mike Huckabee loves to play the aw-shucks, folksy preacher, but behind the syrupy Southern drawl is a dyed-in-the-wool right-wing operator who’s turned the gospel into a political crowbar. His brand of 'Christianity' has less to do with loving thy neighbour and more to do with weaponising scripture to prop up the Republican agenda, tax cuts for the rich, cruelty for the poor, and a foreign policy that treats the Sermon on the Mount like optional reading. Huckabee talks about family values while cheerleading for demagogues and strongmen, all the while cashing in on his sanctimonious shtick. If Jesus turned over the money changers’ tables, Huckabee would be there sweeping up the coins and handing them straight to the donors.

About Mike Huckerbee

Both Orr and Huckabee wear their Christian Zionism like a badge of honour, twisting theology into a blank cheque for Israeli apartheid while conveniently ignoring Christ’s own calls for peace and justice. This isn’t faith, it’s geopolitical fan service, propping up an ethno-nationalist project because it happens to fit neatly with the far right’s Third Temple end of times cultish worldview. Orr’s academic gravitas and Huckabee’s pulpit populism make them perfect bridge-builders between the church pews and the darker corners of the alt-right, laundering reactionary politics through the language of scripture. They cosy up to political darlings like JD Vance and flinchingly wink at the likes of the Reform UK Ltd, all part of the same cynical coalition where God, guns, and nationalism march hand in hand. Strip away the Bible verses and you’re left with raw, hard-nosed politics in a cassock, serving power over principle every time.

About the Alt-Right

Nigel Farage is a privately educated former banking millionaire frog faced fucktard grifting the hard of thinking.

About Nigel

The Book of Hypocrisy

Chapter 1: Here beginneth the tale of thee holy shitheads

In the beginning, it was that the rich were doing their damnedest to pass through the eye of a needle. And no one cared how many people died or suffered along the way.
And it came to pass that there arose in the land two men, one robed in the gown of learning, the other girded in the raiment of the preacher.
In the year of our discontent there arose a great noise from the pulpits of falsehood and the studios of Fox and of GBeebies
The first was called James of Orr, from the Land of Dons, who sat in the lofty halls and proclaimed himself a keeper of the faith; yet his words dripped not with mercy, but with the poison of the right hand of power. For he took the holy writ and bent it unto the service of the princes of this world, blessing the cruel and scorning the meek.
The second was Mike the Huckabee of Arkansas, whose tongue was smooth as honey and whose face was lit with the feigned light of the humble; yet his heart was hardened against the poor and the stranger. He clothed the gospel in the banners of the marketplace and sold it to the merchants of greed.
And lo, both men were joined in the false covenant of Christian Zionism, which speaketh loudly of holy places and divine retribution but is silent on holy justice.
They anointed the deeds of conquerors and called it prophecy, and sanctified the plunderers with prayers for peace whilst their hands dripped with the tears of the dispossessed.
They broke bread with the alt-right, and found favour in the eyes of the house of Reform, and they spake sweetly of the Antichrist, JD of Vance, whose counsel is with the mighty and whose vision is of walls and iron gates.
And the Lord looked, and saw that the scripture they wielded was not the Word, but the weapon of men who loveth power.
Verily, they have made of the gospel a cudgel, that they might strike the widow, the orphan, and the stranger in the gate. Woe unto them, for they preach the kingdom of God, yet serve the kingdom of gold.

The Book of Hukkorians

Chapter 1: The Two False Prophets

And it came to pass that thee Holy Shitheads journeyed oft unto the Holy Land, bearing neither olive branch nor truth, but instead, the sword of empire wrapped in the flag of Zion.
And lo, they were received by Herod Netanyahu, king over that land, who loveth not justice but seeketh power as the miser seeketh gold.
And Herod spake unto them: “Blessed are ye who speak for me unto the nations, for I shall clothe thee in photo-op and honour.”
And the two false prophets, James of Orr and Mike of Huckabee, bowed low before him, saying, “Great is thy strength, O Herod, and righteous are thy walls.”
They laid hands not upon the sick to heal them, but upon the cannons to bless them; and their prayers were unto the idols of nation and profit. For they proclaimed peace whilst arming the warrior, and mercy whilst driving the stranger from his home.
And their gospel was not the good news of the carpenter’s son, but the charter of the merchant and the general; For they had written a new beatitude: “Blessed are the powerful, for they shall inherit the press conference.” A
nd they did sup at the table of the alt-right, where the wine is strong with grievance and the bread is baked of fear.

Chapter 2: Of Amalek and the False Prophecy

And James, son of Orr, cried unto the multitude: “Remember Amalek, whom the Lord commanded to be destroyed utterly!” And he spake thus not to teach the past but to sanctify the smiting of the stranger, for in his heart Amalek was any man who dared oppose his politics.
And he wrapped his words in the mantle of the prophets, though the threads were spun of punditry and ambition.
And lo, there came forth Eylon of Levy, shouty herald of Herod, proclaiming: “Behold, fifty babes have been beheaded by the enemy!” And the people’s hearts grew hard, for such a tale is more potent than the truth.
Mothers wept and fathers clenched their fists, for the horror was great in their ears.
Yet no witness came forth, neither scroll nor testimony, neither the cry of the watchman nor the record of the scribe. And the elders searched the gates and the camps and found not one head nor one babe, and the prophecy was revealed as false.
But the seed of wrath had already taken root in the souls of the gullible, and no rain of truth could wash it away.
And the false prophets smiled, for their work was accomplished; the lie had travelled unto the ends of the earth before the truth had loosed its sandals.
And they said one unto another, “Behold, we need not proof, only volume”.
And they poured forth their words upon the nations as a flood, drowning the meek in a tide of righteous-sounding deceit. Thus was fulfilled the saying among the scribes: “He who controlleth the tale, controlleth the sword.”
And the multitude, bewitched by visions of vengeance, followed after Herod and his heralds, knowing not that their feet trod the path to the pit.

^Marginalia:^{The Beheaded Babies Prophecy - now with 100% fewer heads, yet twice the political yield.}

Chapter 3: The unholy alliance

And it came to pass that James bound himself unto Reform UK, the sect of Farage the Fisher of Votes, he who baiteth the poor with lies and draweth them in with promises that vanish as the morning mist.
And the Fisher’s nets were full, yet he cast none of the catch upon the tables of the hungry, but sold them unto the merchants for gold.
And across the sea there arose JD, called Vance, called the Antichrist, whose lips dripped with cruelty and whose hands were full of deceit.
For he spake of family, yet abandoned the widow; he spake of truth, yet sowed the fields with falsehood; he spake of freedom, yet built the walls high and the gates of iron higher still.
And Orr the denier supped with the Antichrist, and they spake of walls and wars, of exiles and enemies, and of the profit to be gleaned from both. They broke bread not in remembrance of the poor, but in the remembrance of donors; and the wine they drank was pressed from the grapes of fear.
And Mike of Huck blessed their league from afar, strumming upon the harp of Fox and declaring unto the nations:
“Blessed are the warmongers, for they shall inherit the arms contracts”;
“Blessed are the builders of walls, for they shall inherit the contracts for gates”
"Blessed are they who cry out for vengeance, for they shall be booked for the Sunday talk shows.”
And Herod Netanyahu nodded, for they were as mouthpieces unto his will, and their tongues spake as the trumpets of propaganda. And Herod said unto them, “Go ye forth unto your peoples, and cry that my enemies are thine enemies, and my wars are thy wars, and my kingdom’s cause is the cause of God.”
And the false prophets rejoiced, for their covenant was sealed in gold and broadcast signal; and they knew that as long as the altars of Mammon stood, their thrones would not fall. Thus the alliance was made, not in heaven, but in the market stalls of empire.

Chapter 4: Of the Altars of Mammon

And in those days the false prophets gathered unto the altars of Mammon, which standeth in the high places of think-tanks and in the marble halls of lobbyists.
And there the merchants of war and the scribes of spin brought their offerings: gold coins, stock options, and the promise of a seat at the board.
And James of Orr took up the incense of ideology and burned it before the altar, that the smoke might rise unto the donors as a sweet savour.
And Mike of Huck, clothed in the raiment of the televangelist, lifted up his voice and said:
“Blessed is the man whose pockets are deep, for he shall fund the kingdom on earth.”
And the Antichrist JD of Vance brought forth scrolls of policy, written not with the ink of justice but with the oil of corporations; and the ink did not fade, for it was sealed with lobbyist wax.
And Farage the Fisher of Votes came bearing a net woven of xenophobia and fear, casting it before the altar that it might be filled with silver.
And lo, Herod Netanyahu sent forth envoys bearing gifts: contracts for arms, contracts for walls, contracts for the silencing of dissent saying, “Take these and remember me when thou speakest unto thy people.”
And they did remember him, and their remembrance was televised, syndicated, and monetised. And the priests of Mammon laid hands upon them and anointed them with the oil of influence, saying, “Go forth and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of Profit, Power, and Propaganda.”
And they went, clothed not in righteousness but in tailored suits, speaking not of the Kingdom of Heaven but of the quarterly returns.
And the multitude heard them gladly, for the multitude was weary of thinking; and so the coffers of the false prophets overflowed, while the tables of the poor lay bare.
Thus was fulfilled the prophecy: When the temple serves Mammon, the widows shall starve and the orphans shall be sold into the market.

The Book of Regev, High Priest of Tafros

Chapter 1: The False Prophet

And in those days came Mark of Regev, crying in the wilderness of X and television, saying: “Prepare ye the way for vengeance; make straight the path to war.” For it is written, although wrong was done unto him, he never let a good crisis go to waste.
And he added: “Every civilian death is a tragedy. But to say 11,200 Palestinian civilians have been killed is to uncritically parrot Hamas propaganda,” he proclaimed, as though the mourning of thousands were but echoes of a falsehood.
And lo, he spake again to the gathered nations: “This is not just another round of Israel–Hamas fighting. This is war,” that the people might tremble at every whisper.
And he proffered security above all: “We are not going to allow terrorists to re-establish control in Gaza,” he declared, as though fear were the cloak of righteousness.
And it came to pass that he spoke of suspicions of genocide allegations as 'preposterous' as though genocide were but a tall tale to be mocked, not a weight on the soul of humankind.
And he exhorted caution over casualty counts, “Be very careful with the statistics that come out of Gaza,” he warned, for each number stood between the people and the truth.
And he spake unto the nations dreadful tales of atrocity, embellishing horror for good measure, that the hearts of the faithful be hardened against compassion.
And the multitudes were sore afraid and rent their garments, and gnashed their teeth, and turned from mercy.
And yet it was that the scribes and seekers of truth searched the lands and found no witness to his words, no testimony, no scroll, no confession of the atrocity.
And lo, the prophecy was declared false, even as the faithful clung to it, for a lie plagued the souls of the gullible more grievously than any sword.

^Marginalia:^{Blessed are the liars, for they shall inherit the prime-time slot.}

The Acts of Netanyahu

Chapter 1: The Slaughter of the Truth

And when Herod Netanyahu heard the words of Levy, Regev, and Orr, he rejoiced greatly, for the lie was more useful than the truth.
And Herod said in his heart: “The truth demandeth justice, but the lie demandeth only obedience.” And he sent them forth to the courts of kings, to the parliaments of the Gentiles, and to the pulpits of preachers, that the nations might drink deep of his counsel.
And lo, so it was wherever they went, they proclaimed vengeance holy and mercy a sin, and their voices were like trumpets calling the people unto wrath.
And the nations bowed not to justice, but to the fear that Herod had sown through his prophets; for fear is a stronger chain than law, and its links bind the soul as well as the hand.
And the scribes of empire wrote their words upon the tablets of the news, and the merchants of media sold them in every market.
And just to make sure, Herod sent Sir Trevor of Chinn to fill the pockets of the gentile lawmakers with gold, saying unto them: “Remember me when thou sittest in council; speak well of me when thou riseth in debate; and lo, my treasuries shall open unto thee again.”
And the lawmakers, whose hearts were already half-sold, took the gold gladly, and their tongues became bridles in Herod’s hand. And so the slaughter of the truth was accomplished, and its corpse was buried beneath the stones of propaganda.

^Marginalia:^{Herod - proof that crowns can be forged from stolen land.}

Chapter 2: Of the Kings who loved the lie

And it came to pass that Herod’s messengers went unto the courts of the earth, bearing scrolls of flattery and sacks of gold. And the kings and princes of the Gentiles received them gladly, for they loved the lie more than the truth, and the gold more than justice.
Unto the court of Albion they came, where the ministers sat clothed in the garb of democracy yet spake in the tongue of lobbyists.
And Herod’s servants whispered in their ears, saying, “Thy enemies are our enemies; thy destiny is tied unto our walls and our wars.” And the ministers nodded, for they were already bought with honours, speaking engagements, and the promise of safe seats.
Then they crossed the great sea to the land of the Eagle, whose rulers proclaim themselves champions of freedom even as they bind the oppressed.
And the high councillors there rose to bless Herod’s cause, for the arms of their merchants grew fat on his wars.
And they spake piously of peace whilst signing contracts soaked in blood.
And unto the dominions of the Antipodes they sailed, where the leaders, eager for the Eagle’s favour, bent the knee before Herod’s envoys without even counting the cost.
And the people, hearing their rulers’ words, were persuaded to harden their hearts, for the lie was as a seed sown in every furrow of the press.
Thus was the fellowship of the kings sealed, not in the covenant of heaven, but in the covenant of mutual gain.
And Herod sat in Jerusalem, counting the tributes, and said, “Surely, the nations are mine, for they have chosen my deceit over their own honour.”

^Marginalia:^{Woe unto the rulers who love the lie, for they shall one day be ruled by it.}

Chapter 3: The Martyrs of the Truth

And in those days there arose certain men and women, scribes of integrity and watchmen upon the walls, who feared not the wrath of Herod.
And they lifted their voices against the false prophets, saying, “These things are not so, for we have searched the matter and found it wanting.”
Among them were the chroniclers of Gaza, whose pens were dipped not in ink alone but in the tears of their own households. They bore witness to the ruins, to the cries of the hungry, to the dust that covered the dead; and their testimony was sharper than any sword.
And Herod’s servants hated them for it, calling them liars and agents of the enemy. They shut their mouths in the assemblies, they cut their lines of speech, they cast them out from the places where news is traded.
Some were slain in the streets, others perished beneath the rubble, and others still were bound in the chains of exile.
Yet their words did not perish, for they were carried by the wind and hidden in the hearts of those who loved justice.
And there were also prophets from among the Gentiles who cried aloud, “Cease the slaughter!” But the kings who loved the lie turned their faces away, lest the truth trouble their feasts.
And Herod, hearing the murmurs of dissent, commanded his scribes to forge more lies, saying, “Overwhelm them with noise, and the people shall not discern the voice of the righteous.”
Thus the martyrs of the truth stood against the flood of falsehood, holding their ground though the waters of deceit rose up to their necks.

^Marginalia:^{Blessed are they who speak the truth in the age of the lie, for though they are silenced, their words shall one day judge the liars.}

The Second Epistle to Reform UK Ltd

Chapter 1: The heresies of populism

Brethren, be not deceived: your leaders care not for thee, save for thine ability to clap and to vote as bidden. They promise unto you the milk and honey of sovereignty, yet deliver unto you the locusts of austerity and the scorpions of deregulation.
They cry aloud in the marketplaces, “Take back control!” yet the only control they take is of your wages, your rights, and your hope, for they have sold thy labour unto the merchants for a pittance, and thy health unto the insurers for a fee.
And Orr is as a Pharisee among you, making long prayers for show whilst selling your future to the Lobby. He bindeth heavy burdens of ideology and layeth them on your backs, but he himself will not so much as lift a finger to ease them.
Farage the Fisher of Votes casteth his net wide, gathering in the weary and the wroth; yet when they are drawn in, he casteth them aside and divideth the spoils with his patrons.
And the party rejoiceth in its own deceit, saying, “We are the voice of the people,” whilst silencing any who speak against their merchants and their masters.
Behold, they are as whitewashed tombs, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but within are full of the bones of broken promises and the rottenness of greed.
And if thou follow them, thou shalt find thyself in the wilderness without bread, in the city without work, and in the land without hope.

Marginalia: Reform, where sovereignty is a banner, but servitude is the bargain.

The Epistle of Orr the Denier

Chapter 1: Prophecies of piety turned profane

And James, the cloaked theologian, spake unto the multitude: “If we think about the truths of God’s revelation at all, we CANNOT get rid of doctrine and theology.” Yet his own doctrine was that of the donor, and his theology was bent to the service of Mammon.
For he did not preach the Beatitudes of mercy, nor the parable of the Good Samaritan, but the creed of the lobbyist and the catechism of the think-tank.
And the altar at which he prayed was adorned not with bread and wine, but with contracts and cheques.
He proclaimed unto the marketplace: “Shoplifting in lawless London is up 54%. Only Reform UK will restore law and order.” Yet, lo, it is written he stole truth from the mouths of the poor, and order from the hands of the just.
For his law was not to lift up the fallen, but to bind the weak; and his order was not to protect the innocent, but to shield the powerful.
And he traded in fear as the merchants of Tyre traded in purple cloth, selling it dear to those who knew it not for what it was. Thus his prophecy was profaned, for he wrapped the language of the saints around the purposes of the scribes of empire.
And the faithful who followed him were left with neither holiness nor honesty, but with the husks of slogans and the ashes of truth.

Marginalia: From pulpit to populism in one easy quote.

Chapter 2: Of the Tables Overturned

And it came to pass that a certain man entered the place where Orr taught, and his eyes were as a flame of fire, and his voice was like many waters.
And he beheld the tables of donors and the seats of lobbyists, and the scrolls of policy written in the ink of deceit.
And the man cried aloud: “It is written, My house shall be called a house of prayer, but ye have made it a den of thieves!” And he cast forth the pamphlets of Reform UK, and overturned the tables of the fundraisers, and poured out the coffers of gold upon the ground.
And Orr, the denier, rose up to protest, saying, “Sir, thou dost not understand my work, for I serve both God and the public square.”
But the man answered: “Thou canst not serve God and Mammon.
Choose ye this day whom thou wilt serve.” And the crowd marvelled, for the voice cut through the air like a sharp sword, dividing slogans from truth, and fear from fact.
Some who had followed Orr from the beginning turned away in shame, seeing the emptiness of his doctrine.
And the lobbyists gathered up their scattered coins in silence, for no man dared speak against the rebuke.
And the man departed from among them, and his footsteps echoed as a warning: that no false prophet may forever hide behind the veil of piety.

Marginalia: When the tables fall, so too does the pretence.

Revelations

Chapter 1: The fall of the Beast

And I saw a beast rise from the sea of grifters, having two heads: Huck and Orr; and upon its horns were the rusted crowns of hypocrisy and the faeces of bulls.
And the stench thereof was carried upon the wind, so that all who smelt it knew the hour of deceit was at hand. And the beast walketh with the Antichrist Vance, and the shouty prophet Levy went before them, crying lies as one crieth Hosanna, that the gullible might wave the palm branches of credulity before their path.
And Herod Netanyahu sat upon his throne of iron and concrete, directing them as a shepherd directeth wolves unto the flock. And the nations groaned under their yoke, for the chains were forged of fear, bound with propaganda, and riveted with gold.
Yet in the fullness of time, the truth did break forth as the dawn, casting aside the shadows in which their deceit had multiplied. And lo, the beast was cast into the pit, with Herod, the Antichrist, and the false prophet; and the pit sore was thus sealed with the stone of public disgust.
And the keys of the pit were cast into the sea, that no hand might retrieve them. Not even BP, looking for stolen gas off the coast of Gaza And it is written that the whining of Fox and GBeebies shall wither on the vine, and the tongues of their hosts shall cleave to the roofs of their mouths.
For their harvest of outrage was past, and no man bought their venom any more. And lo, Herod did not build the Third Temple, the foundations of which, prophesied by Huck and Orr, were torn down and cast into the valley, where the jackals made their dens.
And there was much rejoicing, and the world did rest from their murderous lies. And lo, there was a Church, and Farage the Fisher of Votes fell from his pulpit of populism, clutching at the nets of his deceit; and with his last breath he spake as in that awful bit at the end of the Omen III, saying, “No… let me finish,” yet no man tarried to hear the rest.

^Marginalia:^{Thus ended the reign of the grifters; and there was silence in the airwaves for the space of half an hour, and it was bliss.}

In the beginning (Bereshet Ch1 v1): Verily, all persons and places herein set forth are as shadows and parables, born of the quill and not of the flesh. Any likeness unto the living or the dead, or unto works and deeds known under the sun, is but a coincidence and not of intent.

A bit of shameless self-plugging here. This is www.TetleysTLDR.com blog. It's not monetised. Please feel free to go and look at the previous blogs on the website and if you like them, please feel free to share them.

James Orr Mike Huckabee Nigel Farage JD Vance Alt Right Third Temple death cult God

Comments